Fate (Fate Unexpected, #1) Read online

  "No. Go away. Let me sleep until I don't hurt anymore." I groan as I pull the pillow over my head to block the light out.

  "Too bad. There is coffee and toast. I figured you wouldn't eat much but you need something in your stomach." He's right. I don't want anything to eat. My stomach roils at the thought of food but I know he is just trying to help.

  "Ok. I'm up." I mumble. Kicking the blankets off I quickly realize I never changed out of my dress and it is sitting at my waist leaving my tiny white lace thong exposed to Brads eyes. I dart a glance at Brad and notice his eyes smolder as he peruses my bare thighs.

  I should feel disgusted and maybe even embarrassed but I cannot help the thrill that goes through me at the thought of Brad wanting me. But just as soon as that thought hits, reality quickly rushes back as I remember that I just lost my fiancé. The guilt over these thoughts has me turning away before Brad sees my face and the thoughts that play across my features. There is no reason for him to know the effect he has over me. These fleeting feelings for Brad are just my loneliness and heartache grasping onto someone to make it go away. At least, I hope that is what it is.

  Brad clears his throat and backs out before letting me know he will be in the kitchen that is just down the hall. I nod my head, quickly jump out of bed, and rush to the bathroom. Slapping cool water on my face, I make quick work of washing off all the black under my eyes and streaked down my cheeks from crying. I'm a mess but I guess that's to be expected after the heart-wrenching news of losing my fiancé.

  I pad down the short hall to where the kitchen is and nerves kick in at the thought of seeing Brad. I'm nervous and excited but most of all I feel disgust and guilty for these feelings that creep up unwanted.

  "Hey, how are you feeling?" Brad asks while holding out a steaming mug of coffee. I gratefully take it and take a sip to stall for an appropriate answer. How do I articulate this range of feelings with out sounding crazy? I guess letting him know the most prominent of my feelings would be easier to explain and more appropriate then my confusing feelings about him. Then again, he didn't ask my feelings about him.

  "Shitty. I feel like this is all just one big, horrible dream that I haven't woken up from. I just saw him and now he has been taken from me before we ever got the chance to really live. We were about to start a life together. Now he will never grow old, never have kids, or hit every mile stone in most people's lives while I am left all alone and hurting." I don’t want to cry any more so I take several deep breaths and blink back the tears that threaten to spill. The burn from the coffee on my tongue helps me get control of my tumultuous emotions.

  "I'm here for you. No matter what, I am not going anywhere." I nod and know he means it. I can't help but feel a little guilty about taking his comfort and help, though.

  "Mom and dad want us to come to their place so we can go over all the arrangements. I know it's soon but maybe if you stay busy it will take your mind off things." Brad watches me with concern and I know he is wondering if I am going to break down again.

  "Ok. We can head over after we stop back at my place. I need to change." As much as I don't want to do this, I know we need to. But in doing this, making arrangements and going over what we think Sean would want makes it all too real.

  "If you're not ready I can let them know to give you some more time." I am grateful that he knows me so well but this needs to be done. Even if I am not ready for it there is no stopping the inevitable. My guess is that no matter what, nobody is ever ready to set up a funeral for the one you thought you would spend your life with.

  "No. We need to do this." Brad just nods and the rest of the day is spent trying not to break down while Brad continuously comforts me.

  Some things are destined to be—

  It just takes us a couple of tries

  to get there.

  -JR Ward, Lover Mine

  Chapter 3

  Three months later

  It seems like forever since I lost Sean. Every day seems to get just a little bit easier but there are still times where I want to break down and cry. When I see a couple looking in love, holding hands or kissing, I think back to the moments where Sean and I would be doing the same. Or when a woman is pregnant while her husband dotes on her has me missing what we will never have. Even the old couples that seem content to just sit in silence on their front porches rocking back and forth just watching the world go by has me wishing that were us fifty years from now. I wanted all of that with Sean. I could have had that with him. Now I live in this big house we bought all alone and every day something reminds me of him. The smell of his cologne that sits in the cabinet above the sink, the random magazines that still come weekly in my mail box, and even the coffee cup he insisted on having during one of our vacation trips that says ‘I don’t like morning people. Or mornings. Or People.

  Instead of feeling anger and sadness though, I have started to feel a sense of peace. I know he is safe in heaven and most likely looking down on me telling me that I will be ok. He loved me and that is what I need to remember.

  The man who shot both Sean and the clerk were caught only a few blocks away that night and has gone through a speedy trial. He plead guilty and was sentenced to prison for five years. I don't feel that's long enough but I am not the judge. I do wish I could have spoken at his trial. If it wasn’t due to the fact that Deb convinced me otherwise, I probably would have. But I would have completely broken down and only hurt myself worse by living through that pain again. And I never want to feel that pain for as long as I live.

  Ever since that day I woke up in Brad's bed three months ago, I haven't seen him since. He has tried calling me and stopping by but I never answer. I can't. It is too hard and I feel guilty for the emotions he evokes within me. I guess all those pent up feelings I had for him in high school never went away. Every time I see him, I want him to hold me close and never let me go but I feel as if I am somehow disgracing what Sean and I shared.

  I loved Sean with all my heart. There was never any doubt. And if Sean were here, I would still be with him and living happy. But it would be wrong to move on with his brother. Wouldn't it? I know Sean wouldn't want me to be alone but I have no idea on his feelings when it comes to his brother.

  As I contemplate this, there is a knock at my door. Not thinking to check first, I fling the door open with a smile that soon falls off.

  "Lainey." Brads husky voice sends shivers through me.

  "Brad, what are you doing here?" God I want this man. How is that possible? He looks even better than the last time I saw him. He is impossibly big and burly, tattoos, and a hard edge that has me salivating to get a taste of him.

  "I gave you time. I told you I was here for you and you never once reached out even though I know you needed someone to help you through your grief. But I am done waiting." I am speechless. Brad waited for me? I figured he would have forgotten all about me and moved on by now. Having a girl cry on his shoulder over her dead fiancé is probably the last thing on his list.

  "I just wanted to be alone. I didn't want to burden anyone." I wanted to wallow alone with no prying eyes, is what I was really thinking.

  "Well I am here now and you're not getting rid of me that easily. I'm taking what's always been mine." I stare at Brad confused. Is he talking about me or something in the house he left that I didn't know was his?

  "Um. Ok. I don't know what was yours but if you need to take a look around..." Brads surprises me as his lips encase mine in a sensual kiss with a promise of more to come. My thoughts are a jumbled mess but my heart and body sing with joy and lust for this man. It is wrong in so many ways but for some reason having Brad's lips on mine feels exactly right.

  I try to push him back because we need to talk about this. Going any further without at least knowing what we are getting ourselves into will only lead to heartache. "Brad we need to talk about this."

  "We will, but not yet. Let me just enjoy this for a little bit longer. I have been waiting for a very long time to
have you in my arms." He glides his fingers through my long tresses as he pulls me into another sultry kiss. My heart beats erratically and I fear he can hear it.

  Leading me into the house and closing the door behind him, he deepens the kiss and I let him. I want this just as much as he does and soon I am pulling his shirt over his head, unbuttoning his jeans and pushing them down along with his briefs before he follows suit with my clothes.

  "God, Lainey. I have waited a long time to feel your soft skin beneath my fingers." His groan of pleasure as I glide my hands over his chest and abs to grip the thick, hard cock standing erect between us makes me feel powerful. Knowing that I give him pleasure with just my touch is an amazing feeling.

  I stroke his shaft with a firm grip, twisting and massaging it as we continue to kiss. His hands roam my body sensually before moving down to my ass and squeezing, bringing me tight against his body. Reaching between us, his fingers expertly move between my folds flicking my clit with his thumb while two fingers delve inside and strum me like a guitar quickly bringing me to orgasm. I have never in my life fallen apart so quickly at the hands of someone else.

  His kisses drown out my cries of pleasure as he spins me around and slams me against the door. Lifting me up by the ass, Brads cock teases my soaking entrance with just the tip. When I back look into his dark eyes, I can see hunger but also his question of if this is ok. I nod my head slightly and he quickly seizes forward, impaling me on his hard cock in one deep, hard thrust. He doesn't slow but keeps a steady and forceful pace, hitting me right where I need it.

  My orgasm climbs quickly and I know Brad is also close. My hands grip his arms as I feel the beginning of another orgasm crest. My moans seem to push Brad to the brink and soon his orgasm explodes inside of me triggering my own. We both cry out in ecstasy as he thrusts deep one last time as deep as he could possibly go causing me to shutter in pain and pleasure.

  Brad holds me close while we stay leaned against the door trying to catch our breaths. I thought I would feel guilty but being here in Brad's arms after being thoroughly fucked feels like heaven.

  I can feel his breath blow across my neck causing me to shiver while reminding me that we still need to talk. This can't happen again until then, and I hope this wasn't just a one-time thing for him to get me out of his system. If so, it would devastate me.

  "That wasn't exactly what I planned to happen." He says breathlessly. I laugh because having sex with Brad never occurred to me either. "I wanted to be a little more romantic than just taking you against your door. But once I got that first taste of your sweet lips, I lost control." Brad steps back carefully and I head to the bathroom just at the end of the hall. I don't know what to say and I need a moment to collect myself.

  "Lainey." I turn to look at this gorgeous man and listen to what he has to say. "I've always loved you. This isn't a one-time thing. I just need you to know that." I want to cry with his words. I've always loved this man, even when I was with Sean but I had always just hid it in the back of my mind. Now it's coming full frontal and I hope I don't end up crashing and burning.

  Accept the things to which fate

  binds you, and love the people

  with whom fate brings you together,

  but do so with all your heart

  -Marcus Aurelius, Meditations

  Chapter 4

  I take a good look at myself in the bathroom mirror. I'm not gorgeous by any means but I do find myself pretty. My long dark locks hang loose before I throw it into a messy bun to get it out of the way. There is minimal makeup on my face with just a touch of powder and some mascara to make my eyes pop. The freckles splattered lightly along my cheeks seem to make me look younger than my 23 years. However, as I stare into my dark brown eyes, they tell a different story.

  I grew up too fast after losing my parents when I realized the world wasn't fair. My grandmother did her best to care for me but she was old and frail. I always assumed I would have lost her years earlier but I was lucky for the time I did have with her. I had to help care for her though, just as much as she cared for me. I learned how to cook not long after moving into her house, and I had to do every chore there was because it was too difficult for her. I made sure she took her pills on time everyday among other things. By the time I had been with her a year, I felt more like her parent then she was to me.

  When I lost her years later, I was devastated just as much as I was losing my parents and at the time I only had Sean and his family left. I had no other family as I took care of myself. I went to college, got a great job, and was well on my way to living the life I always imagined. But it had always felt empty somehow. Like there as a missing piece and I could never figure out what it was that was missing from my life.

  Until now.

  I loved Sean. I still do. He will always have a piece of my heart but Brad has always had my soul. Sean just filled some of the void that Brad had left behind when we were younger.

  I am shocked to realized that after all this time Brad has felt the same. Now that he is here claiming me, making me his irrevocably, and filling everything I never realized was missing in my life, I am scared. It was one thing to lose Sean. I knew eventually I could move on with my life and look back on the memories of him with a smile. If something were to happen to Brad, I would become shattered. Forever broken and I would wither away into nothing. I would only ever just exist.

  Life has a way of taking everything that I love and care about away from me. It is inevitable that I will lose Brad and I cannot let that happen. As much as I want him, my need for him to remain safe and keep me from being completely shattered is to push him away. I just hope I am strong enough to do it.

  Once I step back into the living room after cleaning myself up and getting my emotions in check, Brad is already waiting for me with determination in his eyes.

  "I see the wheels turning in that pretty little head of yours but I am not leaving here until we hash this out. You're mine, Lainey. Every piece of you is mine; always has been and always will be. I let Sean have you and that was my first mistake. I almost lost you to him. I loved Sean. I would never want to disrespect him. But I know he would want you to move on and be happy. He would want someone to love you just as much as he had. I can guarantee that nobody, not even Sean, has ever or will ever love you as much as I do. You're my only reason for living. After today, you will know whom you belong to. I guarantee it."

  Not once did Brad show an ounce of insincerity in his speech. He meant every word and it sent tingles down my spine with his declaration. I wanted him again. What's more is I wanted in his embrace. However, I was still scared at the thought that I would lose him eventually.

  "I can't. If I lose you, I will never recover. And I can guarantee that I will lose you. Everyone I love and care about is taken from me."

  "I'm not going anywhere princess. You're mine and I am never letting you go and I sure as fuck ain't going anywhere."

  "You can't promise me that. Anything could happen to take you away. It's just easier if I put distance between us before I get too close."

  "Let's say you're right. Would you rather take the chance of losing me and regretting never taking the chance to see what we could have been? I think you would regret never taking the chance to make memories of us and missing out on everything you ever dreamed of." I contemplate his words and know that he is right. But I am still fearful. He doesn't get that I will become a shell of my former self if I lost him.

  Brad stalks towards me with heat in his eyes, but there is something more pronounced. Triumph dances along his features as he realizes he's winning this battle of wills. As much as I hate the idea of losing him, the thought of never having taken a chance to see where this will go hurts even worse.

  "Take a chance with me. Let me show you how to truly live. You've hidden away in fear for far too long and it's time to start living." He pulls me too him and I give no resistance. What's the point? He's right that I need to stop living in fear all of the time.
Maybe this time I won't lose someone I love. For once in my life, fate may give me mercy and let me keep this one man to live my life with instead of taking him like my parents, my grandma, and Sean.

  I close my eyes as Brad glides his fingers along my cheek and jaw before gripping the back of my neck giving me chills with his dominance.

  "Ok.” I whisper. “I'll take a chance. I'll live for you, for me and for everyone that has been taken from me. I'm yours in every way. Promise me I will never lose you?" I chew my bottom lip with nervousness.

  Brads lips turn up in a smirk making my insides quiver in anticipation. "You bet princess. I'm not going anywhere now that I've finally got you in my arms." Pulling me into his embrace, his hard body creating warmth and safety among other things, to flow through me.

  I suck in a breath from his words knowing he means every one before he lands a soft kiss on my lips. Slowly he deepens the kiss, applying more pressure before licking the seems causing me to open for him before plunging his tongue inside creating a moan from deep inside my chest.

  Before I know it, he has me pinned to the couch, stripped me completely for the second time and has me straddling him as I set the pace giving long, deep strokes, chasing our release slowly before finally cresting over into bliss. My heart soars and somehow I know I will never get enough. I just hope fate doesn't swoop in and ruining everything.

  Amor Fati- "Love your fate,"

  Which is in fact your life

  -Friedrich Nietzsche

  Chapter 5

  There is no way I could ever be this lucky. How is it that just when my world seems to be falling apart once again, I am given a reprieve? Brad has been amazing. More than I could have ever asked for. He is attentive, sweet, and knows just what I need before even I do. I feel as if this is all just some amazing dream and soon I will wake up to the nightmare that is my life.

  It is not that my life is so horrible, but knowing that at some point I will eventually lose the ones I love, is not an easy pill to swallow. I know it is not directly my fault when someone close to me loses their life, but I can't help but wonder if maybe I am bad luck. Having lost four people whom I loved more than anything hasn't been easy.