Counting Goodbyes Read online

  The rest of the week goes by about the same. With the boys on summer break, and Sarah and Levi taking the week off to help me settle, I start to feel like I am part of the family. The boys absolutely adore me as they can’t seem to detach from me no matter where we are and are constantly telling anyone that will listen, that I am their new big sister. I love them just as much and am grateful that I’m here with them. Sarah has taken me shopping to get a few things for my room and clothes, which was surprisingly fun, while Levi bought an older model truck for me that I would learn to drive and use to get me around once I receive my license.

  The past week has definitely been busy, and with the start of the new week, Sarah and Levi go to work, the boys stay at their friend’s houses or their grandparents, and I job hunt in the newspaper and practice driving around the yard and the long roads with Levi once he gets home from work. It doesn’t take long for me to get the hang of it, and when I take the driving test two weeks later, I pass with flying colors.

  “I’m so proud of you,” Levi praises.

  “Thanks. I’m excited,” I beam.

  “You ready to learn your way around the town and city? You need to know where you’re going and how to get back.”

  “I’ve got GPS.”

  “That only works in certain areas. It’s best if you have a rough idea of where everything is so you don’t get lost if there is no service.” Knowing my luck, I would get lost on the first day out on my own, and shudder at the thought as every horror film ever set in a small town comes to mind.

  “Good idea.”

  Levi takes me around town, although it only takes a moment as he shows me where the store and tiny shops are. Then he leads me to where I will be going to school, which isn’t far from the shops. The building is huge, and I expected it to be half the size it actually is.

  “I’ll enroll you when it gets closer to the new school year since the office is closed, but at least you know where it is. The elementary school is just behind it along with the junior high.”

  I nod quietly as I try to wrap my head around the fact that this is going to be my new school.

  “Are there a lot of kids that go here?”

  “A couple hundred. I know it seems that there are not many people who live out here, but there are more than you realize. The closer you get to the town, the more the houses cluster together. There is still a lot of land you haven’t seen.”

  I chew my lip and hope he is right. Maybe there will be more than enough students to not realize I am the new girl. “Are you hungry? There is a café we can go to that makes a mean hamburger.”

  “Starving.” I moan out while my stomach grumbles in agreement. I have no idea what he means by mean, but it doesn’t matter anyway. Cafés are notoriously known for having delicious food.

  The café is literally right across the street from the school. I guessed that if you looked out the entrance doors of the high school, you would see the back of the café. We find a seat and order our food before sitting back to wait for it to arrive. The place feels homey and everyone has an easy smile. It’s as if they don’t realize the world outside of this tiny town is not as happy as they all seem to be. Not only that, but I expected more country folk or hell, even a few hicks. Everyone here seems normal. Maybe a few cowboys here and there, but nothing too out of the ordinary. I think maybe I watch too many movies that stereotype.

  Surveying the customers, I notice most are older retired folks that you expect to see drinking coffee and looking relaxed, while some are more my dad’s age. Then there is one group of kids that are my age, sitting on the opposite side of the café laughing, flicking paper back and forth, and grabbing my attention instantly. I observe the group and notice one in particular who catches my eye with every laugh, flex, and smile. He’s cute, better than cute. He’s gorgeous. I can’t take my eyes off of him. His laugh is deep and light as I can hear it from here, while his smile pulls you in. I can’t hear their conversation but the guy sitting directly across from him seems to be pretty funny as they constantly laugh.

  I wish I were sitting with them, being a part of their conversation and feeling as at ease and happy as they seem to be. Instead, I feel as if my life is on a balancing beam and one wrong move and I will fall and crash to my doom. My life changed in an instant and I am still trying to find my footing in all this mess.

  My dad tries to distract me as we chat about the family, what classes I plan on taking my senior year, and what I think of this place so far. All relatively easy topics that I could give simple answers such as I like it here, the boys are fun, Sarah has been great, and I plan to take at least one AP class depending on what they offer. I wish I could give him more than that, but I haven’t really gotten the feel of this new town since I really haven’t explored too much or met too many people. As of right now, I have no friends here and it’s a little lonely.

  When it’s time to leave, I glance back to the guy I couldn’t take my eyes off of all lunch to see him looking back at me with an intense stare. I stand riveted to the spot, meeting his stare with my own, wanting to wave or go over to say hi, but knowing I’m too shy to follow through. Instead I stand there, mesmerized by him only to have the spell broken when a waitress blocks my view. Shaking myself out of my daze, I glide out the door with a jingle of the bell above it.

  As we head back to the truck, I glance over to the ice cream shop next door and notice a sign that says, ‘We’re Hiring’.

  “I’ll be right back, Levi. I am going to turn in an application here really quick.” I already had pre-filled applications ready to turn in to local businesses sitting in the truck, so I grabbed one out of the center console and hurry into the ice cream shop in hopes of attaining a new job.

  “Hi, I saw you had a sign looking to hire. I have my application already filled out. Is the manager here for me to give this too?” The older lady manning the register gazes at me with curiosity.

  “How old are you Hun?”

  “Seventeen.”

  “You ever worked before?”

  “No. But I am a fast learner,” I plead with her with my best sad eyes.

  “Well, I am the owner, so you can drop your application off with me. I’ll look it over, but seeing as your Levi’s kin, I will be calling you soon to have you start your training.”

  Surprise and relief spear through me that this lady is giving me a chance.

  “Oh, thank you. I greatly appreciate it.”

  “Thank you darlin’. If you are anything like your father, I know you will be a hard worker.”

  I beam at the lady whose nametag says Marjory and decide to ask Levi about her once we get home. I’m grateful for the opportunity, even if it was my father who helped me land the job. He must have really left an impression on her to give me a chance without so much as an interview.

  Chapter 6

  “I don’t believe in magic.”

  The young boy said.

  “You will, when you

  see her.”

  -Atticus-

  Working at the ice cream shop was easy. It’s self-explanatory. Customer orders a bowl or cone, how many scoops, and the flavor they want, and then I scoop the ice cream out for their order. After handing them their cone, I ring them up and send them on their way. Easy-peasy. Even though I don’t always feel like smiling, due to thoughts of my mother surfacing throughout the day, I force a smile on my face when serving customers. It’s not hard to do. Everyone seems friendly and I haven’t had any issues yet. I’ve met quite a few of my neighbors, although neighbor to me means right next door. Neighbor to them means a mile or more away. So far, everyone has been very kind and welcoming.

  Marjory has me working full time right now with her, which means I have plenty of money that I am saving up for things I need or want including gas for my truck. It also keeps me busy, so I’m not cooped up at home all day. What I am most surprised by is that I haven’t seen many kids my age coming in here. Marjory says a lot of the kids here come in du
ring the evenings and late afternoon shifts once they are done working at home or at their respective jobs. Working mostly day shifts means I miss the rush of the evening regulars. I guess it’s understandable, but I was hoping to make at least one connection by now.

  As I wipe down the counter tops trying to keep myself busy, a group of kids my age walks in ringing the bell as each step through the door. Dropping the rag back into the bleach bucket, I straighten out my apron and wait for the group to approach the counter and give their orders. There are four of them, two boys and two girls that can’t seem to stop giggling. I hate girls that act like idiots and giggle at every little thing a guy says. It’s pathetic really. If I ever start giggling like that, please smack some sense into me.

  I don’t pay much attention to the group as they all huddle together next to the corner table speaking in hushed tones, probably trying to decide whom is buying what. Only one of the guys in the group catches my eye and for some reason I can’t stop staring at him as if he is the light and I am a moth flying toward a flame, completely mesmerized by its beauty. He is the most beautiful guy I have ever seen. The guy is tall, at least a foot taller than me, as he towers over the rest of the group. His hair is dark with waves, and my fingers itch to touch and feel how silky smooth it is. I haven’t seen his face full on, but the side profile shows me a strong jaw with stubble, long lashes that any girl would be jealous of, and a smile that seems to never end. I wish that smile was aimed at me, but he is far out of my league, so I know I will just have to admire him from afar.

  I continue to stare knowing he is the same guy from the café that I couldn’t take my eyes off of at lunch the other day. Now he’s here at my job and I have to actually talk to him. I keep thinking of all the things I could say to him knowing that what will most likely come out will be jibberish. I’ve never known how to talk to guys. Let alone guys I’m interested in.

  “I’m sorry, I don’t think we’ve met. I wouldn’t forget a pretty face like yours.” Without realizing it, I had zoned out. I squeak in surprise by the good-looking guy peering at me with curiosity and appreciation, standing in front of the counter. How had I not noticed him approach? I must have really been staring hard at the other big handsome guy that I never noticed his friend break off from the group and approach me. He’s also the same friend that was at the café that continuously made his friends laugh.

  “Oh, um. That’s because I am new here. I just moved out here with my dad,” I mumble out in embarrassment causing my cheeks to grow pink. Maybe nobody noticed me ogling the tall, dark, and handsome guy. Then I hear the girls once again, laughing, but now at my embarrassment as they gaze in our direction. I clear my throat and proceed to act professional. Well, I try to anyways.

  “What would you like to order?”

  “I’ve lost my phone number. Can I have yours?” The guy tries again with a cheesy pick-up line and now I feel as if he’s screwing with me.

  “Sorry. No phone. Are you going to order?” My voice grows stern.

  “I’d like a scoop of you dipped in…” The guy starts to say another pick-up line before being interrupted by his gorgeous friend pushing him back behind him.

  “Sorry about my friend. He doesn’t seem to understand the word no. He’ll take a scoop of chocolate chip drizzle in a bowl and I’ll have a scoop of caramel swirl delight in a bowl.” Tall, dark, and handsome southern drawl is the hottest thing I’ve heard since, well ever. I stare at him in wonderment, probably looking like a deer caught in headlights. My eyes are wide, mouth slack, and drool most likely dribbling down my chin before I get myself under control.

  “Ye-Yes of course. I’ll get that for you right now. Go ahead and meet me at the register,” I stutter.

  Smiling at me, he steps over to the register and pulls out his money waiting for me to retrieve their ice cream bowls.

  “Dude. Why do you always gotta ruin my game? She was about to give in.”

  “I doubt that. Grab the girls and meet me at my truck. I’ll bring your ice cream after I pay.”

  The guy whose lines were as cheesy as himself, escorts the two girls they came without the door and to a lifted black truck parked in the middle of the lot. I ring up the ice creams and hand back the guys change with a timid smile. He makes me nervous and I can’t seem to get it under control.

  “What’s your name, darlin’?”

  Darlin’?

  Never thought I would like to hear someone call me that, but coming from him, it’s sends heat to my face and causes my heart to pitter-patter nearly out of my chest.

  “Makayla,” I say quietly.

  “A beautiful name for a beautiful girl. My name is Austin. See you around Makayla.” Austin saunters out from where he entered, and I can’t help but watch in shock and amazement.

  He called me beautiful. I feel like jumping and shouting in excitement, but I am not that girl. I am not the girl that swoons at sweet words. He may have called me beautiful, but he’s gorgeous and has two beautiful women with him which means he is probably playing the field, as my mom used to say.

  I’m on to you Austin. I know your game.

  Chapter 7

  Smile in the mirror. Do

  that every morning and

  you’ll start to see a big

  difference in your life.

  -Yoko Ono-

  Later that evening after I arrive home from work, my family and I sit around the table eating dinner and catching up on our day.

  “Are you excited to start your senior year, Kayla?” Dad inquires as we dive into our dinner. “It’s a new school and a fresh start but it’s still your last year in high school.”

  “Well, sort of I guess. I’m nervous about how the kids there will treat me since I’m the new girl. But I am excited to have a fresh start and to have my high school years almost over. I can’t wait to pick a college. That’s what mom and I used to discuss ever since I was a little girl.” I pause for a moment, remembering all of our hopes and dreams that mom and I used to talk about. We had so many plans for my future. We had lists of universities that catered to the future I had envisioned. Most were out of state, but the ones that were close by we listed as prospects. I wanted to stay close to my mom and I know she felt the same. Even though it would have been exciting to go to a new place, I knew I never could have left her. We were just too close. It would have been heartbreaking to leave her behind.

  Now I have no idea what I want to do. I’ve always planned my future with my mom in mind but now that she is gone, I am clueless and scared. Without her opinion and here as my rock, I have to decide by myself what is best for me. It’s scary and exciting all at once. But if I had a choice, I would choose to stay in California. At least that way, even though my mom is gone, I could still be close to her and my best friend will be there with me.

  “What colleges were you thinking of going to?”

  “UCLA, Stanford, USC, Cal State, and a few others. Mostly, we looked at colleges in California. I wanted to stay close to mom,” I choke and begin to distract myself by slicing my steak into a bunch of tiny little pieces.

  Everyone seems to understand my need to be left alone while I get ahold of myself as they continue with what the boys did that day.

  “Are you okay honey?” Sarah asks after a bit. Everyone is done eating and the boys have already left the table to play in their rooms, leaving Sarah and Levi still at the table with me.

  “Yeah. Sometimes it hits me so hard I feel like I can’t breathe. I know she’s gone but remembering all of our plans and thinking that she isn’t here now to experience them with me, hurts.”

  Levi slides his chair closer and rubs my back while I continue to stare at my uneaten food. I just can’t manage to eat with my stomach feeling so heavy with grief.

  “Your mom may not be here, but she’s watching down on you. And if you would like, you can talk to us. We would love to help you find a college or assist you with anything else you need.” Levi smiles warmly making me feel bad t
hat I hadn’t thought they could help me decide.

  “Ok. I’ll think on it. And if I have any questions or need some opinions, I will come to you guys.”

  Sarah beams as if it’s the best news I’ve given her, and I can’t help but reciprocate the same smile.

  “Boy. These last few weeks sure have flown by,” Sarah muses.

  “They sure have,” I nod in agreement.

  “This weekend we will get the last of your school supplies for your first day on Monday.”

  “Thank you.” Sliding my chair back, I take my plate and set it on the counter for later. I just need time to settle and then I can finish my food.

  Heading to my room, I’ve made it a nightly ritual to call Lacy after dinner. Most of the time I have nothing new to report and neither does she, so we tend to just discuss trivial things like the weather, her boyfriend, my work, or what we did that day.

  After the run in today with Austin, I texted Lacy right away explaining in detail what had happened. To say she was excited is an understatement. Emoji’s of hearts, kisses, and more colored her messages before the twenty questions ensued. I finally had to turn off my phone because she messaged so much distracting me from doing my job. I’m a little surprised that the first thing out of her mouth when she picks up isn’t asking about him and if I saw him again after that.

  “Makayla, is that you? Oh my god! It’s Makayla. I think I have forgotten what you look like? I need to see you right away. It’s been too long, and I feel like you’re just a dream. Quick, fly back so I can memorize your face!” Lacy cries dramatically.